What's your plan, God?

I think it's good sometimes to just be really honest about spiritual struggles so maybe it will resonate with someone out there who needs some encouragement and might be going through the same thing. Any feedback is certainly welcome. For some reason, about 7 months ago, God brought a story of a baby with Leukemia into my path as I was surfing the web one day. Many of you have heard about baby Ethan Powell and his battle, that is raging on...and they are at the most critical point in their journey now. And then of course my very great friend Katie, who I've talked about recently that is sick with the same disease. The odds are not looking great for Ethan...and according to the doctors, Katie's situation is hopeless. As a christian, I try, every day, to CHOOSE to believe otherwise. Some days my faith is so strong, and I believe with all my heart. Some days I have to literally make myself say the words. I feel the need to "protect God" and come up with some reason why if He doesn't heal them, when we aren't meant to understand it all. I cannot imagine what their families are feeling right now. For me, God has been really working on me to bring about a big change in me through praying and suffering for these precious angels in prayer. God says whatever we believe in our hearts will be done. He says if we say to the mountain "move" it will be thrown into the sea. There are numerous accounts of Jesus healing hurting, dying, suffering people because they BELIEVED. Honestly I would probably sum up the past few months as me being confused and frustrated with God. In my tiny little existence, all I can see is suffering people and their need to be healed, and sometimes I will just cry to God, sometimes angry, that what I call "healed" has not happened yet. Lately, God has been showing me that there is such a bigger picture that I could never even begin to grasp why God would choose to prolong someone's healing, or maybe not even heal their disease here on earth. I can barely even type those words because understanding that is so far from me. Some people are scared to even question God at all...that maybe even in their hearts they don't understand and are angry, but to acknowledge they don't have strong faith sometimes, is a complete and total sin. On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are the ones that always pray with such timidness...like a request for God to heal someone is too radical so adding "if it is your will" after every request makes it better. I've heard both of these sorts of responses as I have talked to different people about this struggle. Everyone is in a different place, and I'm not criticizing. I'm just trying to talk this out. Katie sent an email out to us last week and God used that email to speak to me. Katie has an understanding of God's love and our purpose here on earth that very few Christians have. She said that she was thankful that God allowed her to have this struggle so she could learn what it is to be desparate for him (I'm paraphrasing). She said to pray for her...but also to tell everyone about what Jesus has done in her life. Tell others about Jesus' amazing love. That IS why we are here...why we are free. Jesus offers a gift that no one could ever take away. And why in the world would we want to keep silent about that? More on spiritual thoughts another time, my brain is mush:)